The Handbook: Failure

25 Dec 2020

Heya!

I don’t celebrate, but I wish everyone a safe, sound and Merry Christmas. Please do take care of yourselves!

I know you’re expecting updates about my life (even though nobody really cares) and I should have a three week mega-update about Weeks 9, 10 and Holiday Week 1 up soon! Yes, I know I have been a but slow I’ve been hacking away at coursework that I’m behind on. I haven’t forgotten about you guys, though. Thank you to everyone I’ve met, especially Flat E, for being the best company while I navigate this new experience of University.

I thought I’d do something a little special for this week, involving a little bit of reflection. Being at Warwick has allowed me to meet many new people, to learn and to grow. Therefore, the least I can do is write about the things that others may find obvious but that I’m completely oblivious to because I’m special brand of complete idiot. I’ve wrapped it all up in a neat little guide for my reference (and your enjoyment), The Handbook.

(Quick side note: Adam, I’ll start as many series as I damn well please. You can’t stop me!)

Failure Isn’t Bad (I Promise!)

Failure is an inevitable part of life. You’re human. You won’t succeed at everything. Coping with failure, though, is often difficult.

Even though it seems obvious, I wish someone had told me that failing at something is only a reflection of your ability at a particular time. Failing at a particular task means you didn’t do well in the restrictive window you were assessed in, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bad. It simply means you didn’t do well at that specific thing, under those specific conditions, at that specific time.

We all must prove, and use, our skills at some point. However, failing to prove your skills through a piece of course coursework, or an exam, isn’t necessarily the end of the world. Failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure, but it simply means you need to improve. Be less hard on yourself. That being said, feelings of failure can get especially difficult to handle when compounded with difficult personal circumstances, or impostor syndrome, or bad mental health. Please try to take care of yourself.

Coping with Failure

I think everyone struggles with this at some point. Hopefully recounting the ways I cope and overcome might be useful for someone.

Speaking to someone, be it a trusted friend, family, a tutor, helps more than you might think. Someone taking their time to listen to me makes me feel valued, and reassured that someone cares, even if it’s just in that moment.

Thinking about what I’ve achieved, and even the smallest things that have led up to me being here, is also useful. Reflecting on starting a company, writing software that’s used every single day, getting into University, becoming more sociable, and so much more reminds me that I’m a good person who’s done good things. It also reminds me I’ve overcome failure and navigated fuck-ups in the past.

Obviously, this sort of thing varies from person to person and from situation to situation, and is difficult if you suffer with impostor syndrome. While I sometimes do think I am good at stuff, sometimes I doubt myself heavily. Your results will vary.

Find some sort of baseline to return to. This may be difficult for people who don’t even know what their baseline is, but still. Trying to establish some sort of base point which I put real effort into coming back to is really useful for handling all sorts of emotions.

Do something else for a bit. If the deadline’s passed, then take some time and do something else. Code, cook, do some washing up, clean up, laundry, go out to the park, go shopping. Your life will go on, even though you haven’t done well at this one thing. It really isn’t the end of the world.

Cry. Enough said.

Singing obnoxiously loudly is also incredibly useful for coping with failure and stress. Do it while on the phone, and have someone else suffer with you.

On an end note, please do take care of yourselves mentally, physically and emotionally. Make sure everyone around you is too, because, now more than ever, it’s important for us to take care of one another.